It’s not that deep

《Did you mean what you said?》

《What? 》

《When you said you loved me》

《Yeah… but it’s not that deep》

I smiled.. like I have taught myself to do. Hide the pain girl. Hide it till you are alone then you can let it all out. Whatever I was feeling at that moment was so intense I was afraid he would be able to tell from the shaking of my voice if I had dared open my mouth to say a word. I just replied with “mhm” followed by a “yeah of course that’s what I thought too” once I quickly regained control. LIAR!!!

That feeling, whatever it was, started to turn into hurt or maybe anger..I don’t really know. I just kept repeating to myself “IT’S  NOT THAT DEEP.”
It hurt less each time I repeated it until I started to feel like my mind and my heart had accepted it. I probably repeated it more than 100 times.

I’m not sure if it was the way he said it, like he didn’t care, or the fact that I felt some uncertainty in his voice.

*awkward silence*

While I was mentally punching myself in the throat, I didn’t want to hang up because knowing that he was still on the line made me feel wanted in a weird way. At least he still wanted to talk. About what though? I had just ruined our conversation by asking that stupid question.

《Are you ok? 》

《Yeah… I’m just tired..》

《You should go to sleep then.. hit me up when you wake up.》

If only sleep was the answer to my emotional tiredness. I really wish it was.

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